Strengthening Relationships Through Understanding
Marriage is an absolutely beautiful, sometimes messy, and occasionally downright frustrating journey. Believe me, I know. Back in our early days of our marriage my husband Todd and I were stuck in the “butting heads” phase.
I’ve always been the take-charge type. Fast decisions? Love them. Leading the way? My favorite. So, it wasn’t exactly shocking when I discovered my DISC style: a high D—The Director. Todd, on the other hand, is a high S and C. He’s calm, steady, and loves to dig into the details before making decisions.
This mix of personalities might sound like a recipe for balance, but in our early years? It was a recipe for fireworks.
Picture this: We owned a service industry business and he often sent me out to make a business purchase —like securing insurance for a new work vehicle. I’d talk to the broker, pick the plan, and check “done” off my mental list. Then Todd would ask, “What’s the deductible? Did you ask about the limits? What about the exclusions?” My response? “If you want all those details, maybe you should do it yourself!” (Not exactly my finest moment.)
Over the years, these moments of miscommunication chipped away at our trust. I felt like he didn’t appreciate my decisiveness, and he felt like I steamrolled him. Something had to change.
When we discovered DISC, it was like the clouds parted, and the sun finally shone on our relationship. We learned how to appreciate each other’s God-given differences instead of resenting them. Todd slowed me down when I was about to leap too quickly, and I helped him step out of “analysis paralysis.” We became partners in decision-making, blending his careful research with my go-getter attitude.
Today, after 33 years of marriage, we’re not just surviving—we’re thriving. And I’m here to tell you that the same transformation is possible for you, too.
Isn’t it amazing how God created each of us so uniquely and with divine purpose? There will never be another you, guaranteed. Each DISC style reflects His intentionality, His creativity, and His purpose for our lives.
Think about it:
- Ds (Director) show God’s boldness and vision.
- Is (Influencer) reflect His joy and ability to connect with others.
- Ss (Steady) embody His gentleness and loyalty.
- Cs (Calculators) mirror His attention to detail and order.
Understanding your DISC style isn’t just about knowing yourself—it’s about recognizing the gifts God placed in you and in the people around you.
Quick question: did one of these descriptions jump out at you? If so, you’re starting to uncover your DISC style!
Todd and I are living proof that understanding DISC can strengthen your marriage. Before DISC, our differences caused frustration and disconnection. Now, they’re our superpower.
Here’s what worked for us:
- Pause Before Reacting: Instead of rushing ahead, I learned to pause and ask for Todd’s input. And Todd learned to trust my instincts when time was of the essence.
- Reframe Conversations: I started asking questions in a way Todd could engage with, like, “What’s one piece of research you think we need to check before moving forward?”
- Appreciate the Gifts: I realized Todd’s thoughtfulness was a gift, not a roadblock. And Todd saw my decisiveness as a strength, not a flaw.
Scripture reminds us of the power of working together: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor” (Ecclesiastes 4:9). When we align our God-given styles, we can accomplish so much more together.
Using DISC doesn’t stop at marriage—it can transform your whole family.
- Parent-Child Relationships: Understanding your child’s style helps you nurture their strengths. A high I child might need lots of encouragement and connection, while a high C thrives with structure and clear expectations.
- Siblings: When you know how each sibling operates, you can diffuse tension and encourage teamwork.
- Extended Family: In-law challenges? Even relationships with extended family can improve when you appreciate their styles.
One of my favorite tools is what I call “See Something, Say Something.” If you notice a family member showing kindness, responsibility, or strength, call it out. Speak life into them!
Let’s make this practical. Here are three ways to start using DISC in your relationships today:
- Take the Assessment: Understanding your own style is the first step. Once you know your strengths, you can better appreciate others.
- Start Conversations: Share your DISC styles with your spouse or family. Ask questions like, “What’s one thing you value most about how you’re wired?”
- Pray for Insight: Ask God to reveal how He’s uniquely equipped you and your loved ones to serve His purpose.
In my Lead My Life coaching program, I worked with a couple who were both high Cs. While their attention to detail made them conscientious and hardworking, they often got stuck in routine and forgot to have fun. Through DISC, they realized the importance of planning activities that brought joy and spontaneity into their lives. Now, they’re enjoying their empty nest season with a renewed sense of connection and adventure.They’ve even launched a new “lifework” business venture together.
Another couple I’ve coached is using their DISC insights plus my ideal client AI tools to build a business together. By understanding how their styles complemented each other, they launched a venture that fit their strengths—and their communication improved in the process.
Does it not make you wonder? What purpose might God use your marriage for in this empty nest season of life, it’s time to start dreaming.
God designed you with purpose, and understanding your DISC style is one way to discover it. Start today:
- Schedule a DISCover You! Call today and take your DISC assessment with strategy session. Let’s Connect Here
- Begin conversations with your spouse or family about how your styles can work together.
- Reach out to me for coaching if you want to dive deeper into aligning your relationships with God’s design within a community of like-minded women at Lead My Life.
Next week, we’ll explore how DISC applies to teams and the workplace. Get ready to find your seat in the marketplace!
