I’d never heard the term “Eddy” before.
We were hiking on the “Oh Be Joyful” trail outside of Crested Butte, Colorado. The wildflowers in the early morning sunlight captivated our full attention. That is until our best friend Dave warned us to “Watch out for the Eddies” on our rafting trip the next day.
Our single-track of trail rose high above the canyon. The rushing waters of the river below, swollen from the spring’s snow melt, forced us to talk at full volume. Not knowing what an eddy was and why we should avoid them, I questioned Dave.
Always the teacher, he pointed to the tangled mess of fallen logs forcing the raging waters to plow over the top of them. On the other side, a dangerous eddy had formed. A place where the backflow of downstream water rushes in to fill the void left by an obstacle. In essence creating a whirlpool effect – AKA “An Eddy.”
Dave went on to explain that many a kayaker has been trapped in an “eddy” unable to get out due to the tremendous pull of the water. In fact, the eddy down below us had recently capsized an unsuspecting kayaker, forcibly pinning him underwater against the logs. It cost him his life.
The story sent chills down my spine. One more reminder of the constant conflicts that exist within nature. It seemed unfathomable that while out enjoying the beauty of this river such a treacherous life-ending event could exist just beneath its surface.
It consumed my thoughts along the trail, and I gave thought to how these “eddies” exist all around us on our own river-of-life. Whirlpools that if caught unaware, can suck us in and leave us struggling to escape.
The eddy of an empty nest mom stuck in the daily whirlpool of “I could’ve done more”.
The defeated father coming home to his family with a pink slip. “If only I’d done better.”
The parents of an estranged adult child held in the grips of, “If we’d only done ____________ differently this never would have happened.”
Eddies-of-life that seek to pin us down against our own obstacles as we struggle to break away and flow with the river of freedom once more.
As terrifying as getting stuck in an eddy may sound, there are fortunately tried and true ways to escape these quagmires in our life. Sometimes getting stuck is difficult to avoid. Staying stuck though, becomes a choice and one that I want you to be on the lookout for. Here’s my three tips to remove yourself from what’s pinning you down.
There’s nothing more disheartening for a newly minted empty-nest mom than the exhausting whirlpool of “different, better, more”. While the time freedom may feel exhilarating, like riding the rapids of a Colorado river the nagging questions can serve as an unwanted anchor to your soul.
Knowing that the kids are now out of the nest and testing the waters of adulthood, we’re left back home wondering if we could’ve given them better advice, prepared them more or done things differently. It’s a rotating cycle of defeat.
It’s time to give yourself much grace. Open your hands and release your kids into adulthood knowing that you did the very best that you knew how. God knows and loves them down to the very depths of their being whether they are choosing to walk with Him or not. My dear moms, they are not only in good hands, they are in God’s hands.
I find when I’m starting to circle in this particular whirlpool, only God can lift me out. I physically hold my hands out in front of me, clench my fists and open them up in release. I say out loud, “Lord, I release our children to you.” I take some deep breaths and I’m out of the eddy and in the flow of the river once again.
If you have neglected to build a support system, landing in an eddy on the river of life will expose that faster than you can say “back-paddle”. It’s easy as busy moms to hunker down and take care of our families while neglecting to grow and develop our own friendships with other women.
God created us to live in community and to come alongside each other when we hit those particularly rough patches. Please, do not feel like you’re the only one who’s let friendship slide in this season of life – you’re not!
The good news is that it’s never too late to start finding new friends and rekindling relationships with past friends and even siblings if those have faded over time. It takes intentionality and of course you have to be a friend to have friends. You already carry the most powerful friendship magnet around with you wherever you go – Your SMILE! Start putting it into action and take those brave steps toward that amazing inner circle that will support you and you them through all the eddies of life.
Your mindset and attitude are your strongest weapons to keep you in the river’s flow and away from debilitating whirlpools. Consider them like two oars as you paddle down the river. One powerful stroke of your mindset will fuel an equally strong stroke of attitude. With both working together you’ll be able to spot the eddies beforehand instead of falling into them unaware.
Commit yourself to a daily plan for your personal growth. Work on your muscles of intentionality and awareness – EVERY DAY. Develop routines that will help you move toward your dreams, instead of circling endlessly isolated on the water’s edge.
My friend, you were created to ride the rapids with great excitement as well as paddle softly amongst the quiet pools. To feel the mist on your face, the gentle breeze through your hair, the sunlight of God’s grace on your skin. We will all encounter a fair share of “eddies” in our lifetime, that will seek to throw us off guard and toss us under. Take courage and continue to chase after the daily steps of growth you’ll need to keep living your life in the river’s flow.
