“Well, that didn’t go as expected"
I lamented to myself on the drive home.
Another listing appointment with me leaving completely deflated. I had prepared my presentation, run my numbers and felt like I had it all together – until I didn’t. Where was I going wrong?
I was 50 years old and a full year into my new real estate career. It wasn’t like I was new to the business world, we’d been small business owners for over thirty years. But in my attempt to do something new, I felt like I was that awkward teenager on the job for the first time learning to count back change. Since we train people how to treat us, it’s not surprising that’s exactly the vibe I kept collecting.
This particular listing appointment began a week earlier at my open house. The husband walked through the front door with his wife quickly filing in behind him. He was a tall man, with a commanding presence that filled the room. He began to download a battery of questions regarding the neighborhood and the current real estate market. Having lived in the area for over three decades, I was ready for him. I must have passed the first test, because he then let me know the real reason for the visit.
They were a few months off of retiring and wanted to sell their house – YES! – and then it came. Oh no! The question I always dreaded and no one had yet asked.
“Tell me about your sales record.”
It was a legitimate question. Truth is I had been working so hard, doing all the things for a year and I had only ONE sale to my name. It stung. Never mind that I was an educator, that I was (A) running a successful business with my husband for 30 years, (B) helped others launch businesses, or (C) had plenty of skills and experiences that qualified me. At that moment, in that room, in front of this very tall, intimidating man – I had sold one house. I could feel my face flush, my heart beat quicken as I stammered out a disjointed response. The memory seared into my mind and hung over me like a cloud the rest of the day.
You can imagine my surprise when I received a call from this man the next afternoon requesting an appointment to discuss listing his home. I set the date and did my homework. I tried to get my mind past the wave of self doubt I had inside, but it was hard to shake. I arrived with a small bouquet of flowers for his wife and the grilling began. I floundered nervously through my presentation. I talked WAY too much. I tried to sell myself instead of truly listening to their needs. Walking out, there was a list on repeat in my mind of EVERYTHING I did wrong. A few days later, they chose a different agent who calls herself, ”The Queen of Murrieta.”
Have you ever been there, my friend? Have you ever sabotaged an experience because you were focused on your INABILITY instead of working IN YOUR ABILITY?
It was after this meeting and others like it, that I realized I could have all the preparation in the world but without the right mindset I couldn’t win at this game. The reason – I didn’t BELIEVE I could win and therefore no one else did either.
Here’s the AMAZING news! I changed. I learned. I grew personally. I worked on leadership skills. By doing the necessary work I discovered something that completely transformed my professional life and me! It also led to my life’s work. Whether you are going on a long awaited vacation, attending your annual professional convention, leading a sales pitch meeting or going to your monthly networking event learning to have effective experiences allows you to win EVERY TIME.
Here are my four best tips so you can stop self sabotaging and start winning in work, faith and life
How well do you know yourself? It seems a simple question, but I found that the unqualified person I kept telling myself I was in my head – didn’t exist. My self-talk had me leaving the house full of confidence, but for every one mile I drove toward my meeting – two miles of doubt would take over. By the time I arrived, I had convinced myself I did not belong there. The hard part is – I was right! With that mindset, I might as well pack it up and go home. Let the Queen of Murrieta take the win, I was not up to the task.
Enter a new approach. I worked on becoming more aware of who I am and what I bring to the table. Recognizing and affirming the skills and experiences from my past, helped shape and propel me forward into my future. Transitioning into a new career does not mean I’ve cleared off my life slate and I’m back to square one. I’m building on the foundation that’s been laid and making it even stronger. My age and experience is my greatest asset not my greatest liability.
This new mindset translates into every experience we enter. When I go on vacation with my husband or take a “she-trip” for a writing project, I now am able to set the expectation and have an effective experience. Will it be a time of relaxation or high energy exploration? Talking it through before we leave allows us to have the most enjoyable experience.
Take that same mindset into your next conference, networking event, or meeting. Be aware of your objective for attending before you even leave your front porch. This way nothing can lay claim to your time and sabotage your experience. Knowing yourself equates to being true to yourself. Accomplish what you set your mind to do.
The more we know, the more we grow. That applies not only to ourselves but to every encounter we have with another. Whether we are going to meet 1:1 with someone new for coffee, present our work to a small group or speak to an audience, we must get to know the people. This may require asking some great pre-meeting questions, or doing a little sleuthing beforehand. Our diligent work on the front end will pay dividends in the end result.
I have a coaching client who is an interpreter for the deaf. When we were discussing this concept on a group coaching call she described how necessary this was in her profession. One time she was hired to interpret at a quinceanera – among Latinos a celebration of a girl’s fifteenth birthday. She was asked to be the voice for one of the girl’s relatives that day and she knew nothing about the event. She went into full investigation mode. Talking to Latin American friends, online research, going to Latino restaurants to understand the food. She truly immersed herself into learning and thus could confidently speak for this person. That is knowing your people!
Think how effective our experiences would become if we took the time for people preparation? How much value could we bring to the table, by seeking to understand and know who we are sitting across from? What if I spent less time worrying about my inadequacies on my crash-and-burn listing appointment and more time on my potential client’s needs? I’m positive I would have experienced a much different outcome.
My best advice – NEVER wing it! Even when you know the topic well – PREPARE.
Be organized. Be on time. You’re not only setting up for your own effective experience but you’re setting the bar for what the other side can expect as well. How well you know your topic will spill over into the questions you ask at the table, the objections you aptly handle, the ability to communicate in a way that connects. You’ll be seen for the professional that you are and doors of opportunity will open as a result.
When I was in college, I took a senior level biology class the semester before I graduated. It was TOUGH! I was determined to not just slide by just because I was graduating. I took copious notes during the lecture. That night I would go to the library, check out the cassette (yes, it was the 80’s!) and listen to whatever I missed. Back at my apartment, I would pretend I was teaching the material to a class. I would speak it out loud until I knew it hands down. I was ultra prepared. My professor was shocked, he never gave A’s. I received an A+ in the class, and didn’t have to take the final. That last semester senior year I learned how to truly prepare.
I truly believe it’s that extra level of saying it out loud that really drives it home. My ideas swirl around in my mind all day long and I always feel like I could verbalize them to a group at a moment’s notice. It’s not until I practice teaching it out loud that everything comes together. Know your stuff and come prepared!
I’ve saved the best for last. This final piece of our preparation puzzle is to know your purpose. Why are you going to this event? What are you trying to accomplish? Does it keep you on the path to where you want to go? It’s really important to answer this, because not all experiences are the BEST ones to take part in. It can be really GOOD, but if it doesn’t move the needle toward your dreams it doesn’t deserve a spot on our calendar.
If it passes through the filter and lands a coveted spot on your schedule, know your purpose for attending and STICK TO IT.
Have you set an objective to attend an all day workshop at your annual conference? Don’t let a colleague convince you to go to something else because she doesn’t want to attend her workshop alone. KNOW YOUR PURPOSE.
Have you set an objective to make five connections at your monthly networking event? Don’t let an overzealous fellow networker corner you for the entire event. Politely excuse yourself and make your five connections. KNOW YOUR PURPOSE.
Have you set an objective to take five days alone with your spouse to simply breathe and enjoy some time away together? Don’t let another couple who has the same anniversary as you sabotage your much needed time together – alone. KNOW YOUR PURPOSE.
At the end of the day, our daily events can become infinitely more rewarding on all fronts if we become intentional in having effective experiences. You can stop the sabotage! Know yourself, your people, your stuff and most importantly know your purpose and watch as amazing opportunities start coming your way!
