Like Pavlov’s dog this deleterious habit had set in so hard it had worn ruts deep into my mind. Wake Up. Read. Workout.
Feel the endorphins rush in, rush out. Like clockwork the sadness would arrive next, a morning fog rolling in and putting a damper on my healthy efforts. With no kids to drive to school, no breakfast or lunches to prepare, no endless teenage chatter – a new routine was needed to fill the gap in my empty nest heart.
In the growing void I developed a seemingly harmless ritual. My car knew the daily drill. A quick 7:00 am drive through Old Town, a left on Ivy, a right on Madison led me straight into the welcoming arms of the “Green Mermaid” aka Starbucks. With her siren call I thoughtlessly snaked around the drive thru, until I was handed my hot daily fix at the window.
They even had my order memorized and knew my name. Comfort steamed through the cardboard cup, sending the daily sadness packing into its dark corner – until the ritual started once more the next day.
Unhealthy habits are a funny business. They settle their way into our emotions, start unpacking and quickly take up residence in our being. Evicting these unwanted squatters is tough work, but I now know it can be done. This is where AWARENESS serves as a starting line in overcoming hurdles, enabling us to begin taking action and moving the needle on our dreams.
My Starbucks habit as mentioned above, may at first glance seem pretty benign. You may even have this one on your own list of daily habits. However, I began to wonder why my scale only knew addition, why my clothes were fitting a little snug and why my bank account was leaking money – blaming my midlife hormones seemed an inadequate excuse. I knew instinctively that if I was ever going to achieve results toward a healthy me, I needed an all new morning ritual. First in line was discovering WHY this particular one was so hard to shake. Stay tuned because this may help you kick out one of your own ill serving routines.
Permanently changing deeply ingrained behaviors requires a lot more than sheer will power. There have been so many great books written on this subject, but my favorite read is James Clear’s “Atomic Habits”. He explains how changing our habits comes in layers. We can all summon up the willpower to stop eating ice cream so we can lose ten pounds to fit into the dress for the upcoming wedding. However, will power has a short shelf life. If we are willing to dig deeper we discover the why behind the habit. We need to become AWARE of our mindset surrounding our behavior and the REAL reason why we want to change it.
When I took a deep dive into why I started this health-sabotaging Starbucks habit, the answer was uncomfortable. I discovered it was attached to fond memories of spending time with our daughter. Megan and I discovered “our drink” during her first summer in New York for ballet.
She was 15 and there were a ton of mom-emotions connected to her being alone in the big city pursuing her dreams. Until that day, I had NEVER stepped foot in a Starbucks. It quickly became something we enjoyed together. Moving forward in time, with Megan now off to school, this daily ritual brought back the sweet memories of those moments. Erasing the habit felt like erasing the memory. WOW! I clearly needed to switch gears to a healthier way of remembering fun times with Megan. The question became HOW?
This is where the real work began!! I could simply be aware of WHY I was so attached to my “Green Mermaid” and why it was so hard for me to leave her – and NEVER do anything about it! I have seen people, myself included, put real money down on the table, know what and why they need to change, yet walk away and DO NOTHING. If we never advance beyond AWARENESS we are destined to live entrenched in our well worn ruts. Even when we know there is something much better for us on the other side.
To move toward our dreams, our awareness needs to move into acceptance of where we stand today. We need to picture ourselves on a starting line, become crystal clear on our vision, make a solid plan forward and then TAKE ACTION!
In the beginning what did that look like for Starbs and me?
- I had to change my daily driving route, so I couldn’t be lured in.
- I had to develop a new morning routine that brought comfort and calm to my days. That became trail running. It became a treasured time of praying for my family. Alone with my thoughts and creating new ideas.
- I made a rule to leave my house by foot, not by car so I wouldn’t be tempted to drive by and be unwittingly sucked back into my habit.
- Eventually I added meal prep into my days, so I wouldn’t be in a rush out the door and have a secret rendezvous with my wayward friend on the way to a meeting.
In essence, my plan had to involve well thought out solutions that put me ahead of my obstacles. This meant identifying all my possible hurdles and how I could leap over them. I initiated daily action towards a healthier lifestyle. As I started to gain results, the desire for my “fix” decreased and my motivation to succeed increased. The needle was beginning to move! However, for permanent change we need to keep stepping it up.
Inwardly, I knew what I needed to do. I got this, right?
WRONG!
If we are truly going to “burn the bridges” and not go back to our old ways – we MUST go public!
Working through awareness and even taking action on our own, is doable. However, few things will prompt us to follow through like accountability. The action of saying it out loud, making our new resolve public puts a new pressure on us to maintain our success and keep making progress.
I kept my circle small and told a few friends who would hold my feet to the fire. In fact, I drive a red car that stands out and I told my friends that if they ever saw my car in the Madison Avenue drive through CALL ME OUT! The thought of receiving that call, caught “red–handed” so to speak, was intimidating enough to keep me honest.
When we write things down there is a higher likelihood that we will succeed. When we write things down AND share it OUT LOUD to the world, our chances of success goes through the roof.
Yahoo! We can finally bring this new, more positive way of life full circle. We’ve worked the “habit-muscle” and are stronger for it. We’ve put it to the test with a solid plan and have learned to jump over the obstacles with well thought out solutions. We’ve even brought in reinforcements!
All this effort will start attracting like-minded people to you. We tend to attract who we are, and for me that meant health-conscious women who were living this lifestyle in real time. These women buoyed me up and kept me swimming with my head way above water. The beautiful thing is I was unknowingly doing that for them as well. Overtime we begin to grow into a community of people that can help each other succeed.
Are you eager to move the needle on your dreams? Do you have deeply entrenched habits and behaviors that have taken up residence with you? Perhaps like me, you feel powerless to change. This pattern of AWARENESS, ACTION, ACCOUNTABILITY and ATTRACTION can be applied to any area of our lives where we are seeking transformation. It launches within us a lifelong cycle of renewal and growth. It all starts with a willingness to explore what’s possible in our lives and then getting to work creating a new environment for that to thrive. It’s time to TAKE ACTION towards our dreams – let’s start today!
